mecca has a five guys @Dayglochainsaw@skull.website

going back in time to kick the ass of the guy who invented Great Man Theory, only to discover once i get there that Great Man Theory is more of a loose conglomeration of ideas shared by several dozen prominent thinkers at the time instead of the sole intellectual creation of just one guy. I fall to my knees and howl in rage and defeat.

Me: i am going to kill senator tom cotton
CIA Agent: ohhohohoho. we got him this time.
Me: in minecraft
CIA Agent: GOD DAMMIT. SHIT. FUCK. *punches a hole in the drywall* FUUUCK

I spilled baked beans all over myself watching shadows on the walls of a cave and an enlightened man shouted 'this prisoner thinks hes eatin beans' and everyone laughed

issuing correction on a previous post of mine, regarding the radical right-wing art movement Italian Futurism. you do not, under any circumstances, "gotta hand it to them"

every straight couple's joint tinder account looks like this

i think we should bring back making jokes about benedict cumberbatch's name. its what the world needs right now

eminem is like the bbc sherlock of rappers in the sense that for years he managed to keep people from realizing hes not actually good simply by talking fast enough that you didnt actually parse the words

for reference, while drafting this i literally just typed "groceries" into rhymezone and then went straight down the line of results

every eminem rap is like "yea i be buying groceries, cluch your rosaries cause i be exploding ovaries, no worries cause i got coteries of notaries from overseas along with their accessories, also i need to get some parmesian cheese, uhhhh mimosa dichotomies, upholsteries"

RuPaul Blart Mall Cop

why dont they make movies where the hero has a chimp sidekick anymore

ok now that i have actually read dracula, van helsing kinda rules

imagining a guy whos sex name for his dick is "Ricky the Rat"

*guy with chastity kink voice* despite all my rage i am still just a rat in a cage