theory: the respective front desks of heaven and hell are staffed by whichever human has the current high score in terms of being directly responsible for most lives saved/ended. so by my estimation, heaven is currently being manned by Stanislav Petrov and hell has Thomas Midgley Jr.

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@Dayglochainsaw I wonder if they normalize this for world population.

so like, there's some caveperson from way back in the day that saved a whopping 20 people from being squashed by a mammoth stampede or w/e, and they staff the Heaven desk bc turns out oops there were only 22 people alive at that point?

@hafnia i like the idea that its just Sheer Numbers not adjusted for inflation because a) it implies that the celestial bureaucracy is not very on top of things and b) its funnier

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