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The Phillies are the perfect team if you love dissapointment

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A bartender mentioned “the thing everyone has been talking about” and I thought he meant coffee hot sauce

im so happy that the dems are making sure the fascist american colonial plantation project bans juuls to protect our health

i called a seltzer "citrussy" and torie accused me of wanting to f*ck a grapefruit

Etsy: hey
me: no
Etsy: HEY
me: WHAT
Etsy: baby synthesizer

Can't wait for all the juul pod teens to discover how cool cigarettes are going to make them look.

In my opinion, everything shouldn't always get worse forever, some things should get better, just one person's opinion though, idk

You know what, politely calling your local news station when they run some bullshit about cops ODing on fentanyl is actually pretty easy and cool to do

Tomorrow I will be trying to score a sneaker drop for the first time because my teen will owe me forever if I can get her a pair of panda SB Dunk Hi's to start off high school.

I just want one of the writers of all the "firing Joe Girardi won't fix the fundamental problems" articles to admit they were wrong

rated the masto android app one star on the Play Store, and my only comment was, "I don't trust any German guy with a sense of authority"

sorry @Gargron. rough 20th century...

reading the Old Testament and thinking, "geez, God was a messy bitch who loved drama"

Due to cancel culture I can’t even say a tomato is a vegetable without being called out

Mellenials making fun of kids for discovering Kate bush on stranger things like we ain't heard the pixies for the first time in fight club.

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