New Don't Threaten Me With a Good Lifetime is out, please enjoy this tale of an extremely circuitous plan to frame a teenager for murder, and a minor detour into the career of a second baseman from the nineties:

Please do not be alarmed that you just got an email with the subject line "AM I A SERIAL KILLER?", that's uh,,,,, that's just me

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@007 we all know that if the headline asks a question, the answer is no

@Pixley betteridge left out the "apart from serial killers" bit against his better judgement

@Pixley I usually pick up phones with the line
", Adam speaking, how may I help you?"

@Pixley i was just about to do a joke about getting this notification but you beat me to it!

@Pixley Wow. That movie had pretty much everything. So the doctor and Annie must have been biding their time until Natalie was old enough to take the rap for their crimes right?? Do you think they intended for Natalie to be blamed the first time? And damn, if time doesn't move weird in all those movies.

@deneb I think they meant for her to take the blame the first time around? Or at least Annie did, I'm not sure if the doctor was around then? There is still so much I don't really understand????

@Pixley That makes sense. Mother of the year right there. Not.

@Pixley it definitely took me aback for a moment but not as much as that terrifying drawing on IMDb, what on earth!! This was very funny and good and I was so excited to read it 😄

@Pixley oh maybe that’s why it was sent to my spam lmfao.. anyway that was excellent and did her mom want her to kill her in the end or????

@shade I think her mom wanted her to kill her aunt???????

@swirlz I'm not even gonna tell you how many words it ended up being

@Pixley this was a real thrill ride of twists and turns in that the plot made so little sense I had no idea which way it was going to veer off

@robotcarsley I watched it, and I took notes, and I read my notes, and I wrote this, and I edited it, and at every step it made less and less sense

Dont Threaten Me With A Good Time Spoilers 


"Or maybe taking a beta blocker beforehand?"

i snorted.

Dont Threaten Me With A Good Time Spoilers 

@Pixley such good screengrab choices. we love to see it

Dont Threaten Me With A Good Time Spoilers 

@Pixley Sorry, Kent. it sucks to suck...

Dont Threaten Me With A Good Time Spoilers 

@Pixley the stress in natalies life is putting my issues into perspective, tbh

Dont Threaten Me With A Good Time Spoilers 

@Pixley honestly, as a writer, i would have included cleavers as the main knife presence, but that is simply me

Dont Threaten Me With A Good Time Spoilers 

@Pixley i have more but this is probably annoying.

thesis: good newsletter. i enjoyed

Dont Threaten Me With A Good Time Spoilers 

@swirlz thank you for your livetoots!! I love them!!!!!!

@Pixley i cant believe i fucked up the newsletter name in every single cw. i simply can not believe

@swirlz hahaha I honestly didn't even notice, and the name is very long

@Pixley i had to capitalize every word typing it out and everything

@Pixley "crayon drawings of the non-murdery variety"! great newsletter again 💫 p.s. watch Coraline!

@WoozleWuzzle I know I should watch Coraline, I'll get to it eventually I swear!

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