This is the proper way to wear baseball pants.
I also don't know where I am going with this... other than to shout my frustrations into the void.
And maybe, if other people out there are feeling the same way or have been in the same spot.... just to learn/hear that it *can* be ok.
Fuck academia. It could be such a good and beautiful thing. But right now I feel like its just a toxic cesspool that only takes.
I just want someone to give me a hug and tell me that its all gonna be ok.
Even though I know its not.
Because I need things like...money to pay bills. And buy food. And insurance to pay for things like my anti-depressants that keep me from falling further in to a pit of despair.
I don't know.
And I don't like it.
And that scares the shit out of me... Because I have spent my life being an academic. And if I am not an academic, what else do I have?
No one is gonna look at someone with an English PhD and think I'm qualified for anything.
Like.... What the fuck do I do?
Academia has broken me and I am scared of what comes next....
But what I do know is I am *deeply* unhappy and know this is unsustainable and I have to do *something*
I've worked really hard to get a phD. I've had it for a whole.... 3.5 years (I graduated Dec. '17)
For the past 3 academic years I have been blessed to teach full time.
And somehow, after 3 years. I am fucking burnt out and already am contemplating just walking away from the profession I have spent 12 years of schooling to get to. The profession I took on a mountain of debt to get to.
Skull dot website is an intentionally small instance for friends.