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certain people are trying to "roast" me for this but I actually walked away from a garage sale in the "village" of Wellington with a 50 inch 4k tv in my trunk. paid 15 bucks

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Cool Evan boosted

It’s raining today. Might solve a mystery

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every once in a while I think about this billboard prominently placed on the NJ side of the George Washington Bridge

I am presented with three options 1 go to sleep 2 ponder my family 3 make myself mad imagining Bong Joon-Ho making anchorman 3 and realizing it will never happen

The parasite TV show seems like a bad idea I am also fairly confident it won’t end up happening so... basically it cancels out?

fantasizing about assuming a pseudonym and just talking shit about my family

Eminem released an album this week and halsey managed to out-edge him. which is not easy. also she's going on snl this week lmao

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I'm not heavily invested in who plays the next James Bond.

All I ask is that they're made of titanium and they don't understand human emotion and they're played by Arnold Schwarzenegger in Terminator 2 and the movie is Terminator 2

Writing just for me is more spiritually satisfying than posting. But what if I wanted to corrupt my soul?

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Seeing un-ironic takes that the term "wage slavery" is violence because chattel slavery in the U.S. was so much worse than the concept embodied by wage slavery. Which is a galaxy brain take. It's like saying that calling the ICE border camps "concentration camps" is antisemitic because the Nazi camps were so much worse. Guess what? Drawing a parallel between 2 things isn't saying "these things are exactly the same."

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ewww I need to turn off single column on desktop for this account

sneak peek of SNLysis, my new column... 

So anyway, “Stefan” and “Jules Who Sees Things A Little Differently” are NOT actually the best-written characters of Jost/Che era Weekend Update. Despite the fact that those 2 are probably the consensus picks, and setting aside some of the great lines they’ve both had, they’re only memorable because Colin Jost has so little screen presence that he can more or less only play against the most flamboyant gay stereotypes

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I could abandon all pretense and just become a professional SNL analyst/reviewer

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@evan I got pulled over once by a guy I went to school with when I was like 24, and the whole time I just wanted to be like "shut up Eddie, fuckin nerd"

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