lennie boosted

Change of plan, instead of a day off I've decided I'm doing this #mastoart

[nerd voice] ermm excuse me according to these calculations the average member of your union actually makes 1.04x the national median salary, which makes it illegal for you to go on strike. mods! mods!

lennie boosted

just stopped to get petrol and when we came out of the kiosk some dick parked at a pump in a winnebago started honking the horn at us. we got closer to give them a piece of our mind and it was a fucking dog

lennie boosted

Eye doctor said my optic nerves have “nice tight holes” 😅

lennie boosted

you don't hear so much about the bermuda triangle these days

lennie boosted

ladies and gentlemen we are floating in space

lennie boosted
lennie boosted

dr jill flotus: i want to "let's go brandon" tonight, dear

joe potus: not now honey, can't you see i'm playing with my lionel choo choos? the 00 gauge track just came in

bob hope: welcome to heaven, son

ruth bader ginsberg: how do i end a post. how do i bring this in for a landing

steve jobs: ligma balls

lennie boosted

congressheads be like “they tried to kill us 🥺” ok bestie have you tried not being repulsive losers

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Drugs 

I cannot believe that we are still doing this shit, I am literally begging reporters to stop regurgitating absolute nonsense cops post on Facebook (or I'm writing them polite emails anyway)
usatoday.com/story/news/world/

lennie boosted

it's seems an increasing number of users on here believe that I owe them full references + explanations for every one of my unintelligible posts. And their right. I am lower than a dog. I live to serve the default avatar gentry

lennie boosted

british people will see someone get trampled by a horde of elephants and be like "you alright mate?"

lennie boosted
lennie boosted

Axel rose: you know where you are?
Me: Nope
Axl rose: you're in the jungle baby
Me: oh cool!
Axl rose: you're gonna die
Me: ☹️

lennie boosted

Was it not Shakespeare who said it is better to have apes and lost them rather than never having apes at all

lennie boosted
lennie boosted

it's legal and therapeutic to drink a tall glass of juice and put it down and go ahhhhhhhhh, that's good juice. the government can't stop you

lennie boosted

every day i get flyers for a new app called Chorge or Glynt or Zapx or Spline that all do the same thing - get a guy on a bicycle to bring you a tin of beans a twix and a diet coke from the shop for £25. what is going on here. why is this the only type of business now. what person uses this

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