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Cursed Lewd Math 

If you slept with 3 people a day and the average penis length in the US is 5.5 inches you would have to sleep with approximately 11,540 people over the the course of ~10.5 years to have a mile of dick inside of you

I wish I could drink an infinite amount of coffee and no decaf is not an option

But also if the first thing out of your mouth to me ever is rude as fuck what incentive do I have? Just another asshole in an ocean of assholes

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I can't tell if I have a learning curve for people to learn to like me, or I'm just an asshole. Probably more the latter than the former.

I'm so glad I ain't important and I ain't shit. Like takes so much weight off

I'm a simple girl I like guns sex and drugs

I work with a lot of Christians who are "open minded" so I usually just remind them Jesus kicked it with sex workers all the time and it usually does pretty good

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I overheard one of my coworkers slut shaming the other day and she will be getting spoken to next time I catch her in the back

Shouts out to the people who like Snapchat me back

Quarantine is really really important but it's so fucking boring once you're over the disease

I'm gonna shave and then make my partner take selfies with me tomorrow

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Gender dysphoria aside I'm kinda androgynous enough to be in this like "universally hot" sweet spot. I think I still read to cis ppl as a really pretty man but at least I'm pretty

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Honestly if I didn't hate my facial hair I'd probably like the facial hair estrogen gives me. Like i ain't shave in 4 days and my beard is so soft 😊

Hey if you're heat-insecure this winter make sure to DM me. I can't do much but I know how to keep you and your pets from freezing to death. I've lived outside.
Long and short:
Insulate your floors and walls with cardboard/blankets.
Stay in the smallest room of your house, all of you.
Put a flower pot on chopsticks over a candle, makes a super good heater that doesn't use up too much oxygen. Make a few.
Only drink hot drinks. If hot water is weird, drink teas. Caffeine will make you colder.

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