And my mom is smart! So the dumb shit stupid hogs have been tricked into believing by facebook is not remotely surprising to me

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My mom watched Oprah and the fact that she had never seen such an episode did nothing to change her mind

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For that reason we were a strict JNCO household, even though Pipes were cheaper

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Just remembered a chain email from the '90s claiming that Oprah did an expose on the Lee Jeans company and revealed that they named their JNCO competitor Pipes to make black kids associate pipes with coolness and become addicted to crack

One of my favorite "the writers of 30 Rock are terminally online" moments was the Black Crusaders subplot, which is pretty much just verbatim a minorly viral hoax about Dave Chappelle after he quit his show

Cut my lunch into pieces
With knife and plastic fork

Ironically some of the non-readers were actually good writers. Not most of them, but a couple of them

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My creative writing program in undergrad was divided into mentally ill wiseasses who smoked cigarettes between every class, evangelical Christian sci-fi and fantasy writers, and people who openly did not like to read

I made such good gravy yesterday holy shit, I'm so mad I didn't have more potatoes, but I can get more and I still have a whole jar of gravy

Except the Alexander Wang x Uniqlo AIRism collection, which I think is actually magical. But in general I just wear Calvin Klein (which is always on sale somewhere) or Versace (which is rarely on sale but worth it if you can get it for under $30 a pair)

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I don't have much to contribute to the dick/ball sweat discourse but what I will say is that if you're dealing with a lot of smell you're probably wearing shitty underwear. Anything that "wicks away sweat" will keep your balls dry but at great cost

The phrase "I cookie capered her door" will be with me for the rest of my life

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All late '90s and early '00s pop rock can be understood as either Van Wilder soundtrack music or American Pie soundtrack music

Once my freshman year of college I came home to my neighbor in the dorm sitting on the floor, eating a giant tub of cookie dough with a spoon, saying he "cookie capered" this girl's door, which meant putting cookie dough in the lock and over the peephole

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