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five years after mastodon ends i get a notification on discord 2. it's a pm from ponyboy_30000:

omg triz is that you? it's me, crublord69 from knzk! you totally called it, i'm trans and a brony now. anyway how's things?

i reply "haha hell yeah" and accept the friend request. i have no idea who they are. i close the chat window and yell out the screen door to my two terrible children, robitha and jeeeves, to come inside for dinner before the lava rains start. president reportoftheweek is on tv

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the canola story (lewd, food, gross) (thread, 1/?) 

so my friends had this guy, let's call him peter, living in the basement bedroom in their rental house in new orleans. peter had been moping around about his latest breakup, getting miserable drunk, etc. so my friends encouraged him to get out there again, make a dating profile, what have you

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i was punny as a kid but it's not so cute now that i'm a groan woman

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5'11" if most people ask because people deserve the truth

6'0" if a cis man asks because i don't have time for a guy who's scared of a tall queen

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I have to do a retraction, i was telling people I was 6'5" but it turns out im like 6'4 or close to 6'3" unless my wife was fucking with me last time we measured

im shrinking

posting is sort of like eating the timelines pussy

ok actual birthday selfie I promise 

and a merry Rico day to you, too

@triz "we replaced your kitchen island with a shower so you can clean yourself and your produce at the same time!"

imagining a kitchen remodeling company for lifehacker types called counter productive

when diplomats want to continue their education they take night classes at the immunity college

all across the world, young women are suffering from severe stock photo videos... please spread awareness...

so fucking mad at myself for letting my youth slip away without enjoying it like ever. i s2g i didn't ever have any actual fun until my thirties

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i have been doing the thing lately where to read a receipt i have to hold it at arm's length and then zoom in and out until my eyes can focus on it and i know it mainly means i need a new glasses prescription but also it means i'm suddenly old as shit

"there must be some kind of way outta society" said the joker to batman

if banks y is so great why isn't there a banks z

think about how banksy put on the air of being a graffiti artist but his pieces get cordoned off so they cant be “vandalized” lmao

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what wearies me about the bi/pan lesbian/nb lesbian brouhaha is, championing the position that bi/pan women can be lesbians and lesbians can be nonbinary concedes to the Lesbian Definition Purists™ their most important goal: the idea that the definition of 'lesbian' (and, covertly, 'woman') is of Great Moral Significance

I don't mean to shit on bi/pan lesbians feeling attacked & defending themselves. it just feels like *having* the argument is more important to the bad actors than the substance

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