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i am tired of being told how to think. i think a dog is a kind of a bear. i think the moon is in love with me and that's why i see it everywhere i go. i think god lives in the telephone wires, and i'll shoot down any cherry pickers that come and try to cut Him out. and i reckon that's my right

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i am a transgender woman. my pronouns are she/her/hers. please calibrate your riffs accordingly.

also thus, my jokes are not dad jokes. they're puns, bits, gags riffs, whatever. but don't ever call me a dad

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i have taken the opportunity afforded me by my recent unemployment to do something I've wanted to for a long time: i have finally made a makeup instruction video!

it's nowhere near comprehensive, but i tried to make the video something for absolute beginners, so you can watch my routine as i stop and explain what i'm doing for you as i go. it's made especially for trans women like me but it's for anyone who's intimidated by makeup imo

please share!

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five years after mastodon ends i get a notification on discord 2. it's a pm from ponyboy_30000:

omg triz is that you? it's me, crublord69 from knzk! you totally called it, i'm trans and a brony now. anyway how's things?

i reply "haha hell yeah" and accept the friend request. i have no idea who they are. i close the chat window and yell out the screen door to my two terrible children, robitha and jeeeves, to come inside for dinner before the lava rains start. president reportoftheweek is on tv

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the canola story (lewd, food, gross) (thread, 1/?) 

so my friends had this guy, let's call him peter, living in the basement bedroom in their rental house in new orleans. peter had been moping around about his latest breakup, getting miserable drunk, etc. so my friends encouraged him to get out there again, make a dating profile, what have you

this restaurant has a group table called the "pope room" and i guess it's appropriate that i'm wearing my age of sin shirt

(selfie, far eye contact, religious imagery)

@triz is that the wifi here more like. is that the wife i hear?

What if they did Space Jam underwater, in the iridescent City of Atlantis, you could call it Pearl Jam

i think poverty doesn't matter because contemporary poor lead better lives than ancient kings. i also think i should be allowed to drive over schoolchildren because cavemen were eaten by dinosaurs

when jake shaves his face i call that laser hair removal

medical stuff 

better to just ease them in with the simple to understand stuff, like transness

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@triz more like the target runs amirite 😂🤩😂🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣😅😅🤣🤣😂😂🥰🥰🥰🥰😍

medical stuff 

i should probably talk to my doctor but that's on a long list of stuff, like if i walk into my doctor's office like "hey i'm a narcoleptic transsexual with ibs and add, can you just go ahead and jot that down on my chart so i can get all the right drugs" they are, probably rightly, going to draw on my chart a one inch deck screw and a baseball

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tried soylent for the first time today then left to run errands and regretted it in short order. made it through my target run and back home but an important lesson was learned, probably

anyway amelia's substack is really cool and funny. and the subscriber only posts have me howling

queering the alt/main binary by never knowing which account im posting from

me like 90% of the time : i'll kick any of your asses. i don't give an fuck. i'm tricia and don't you forget it

me when like dirt or someone logs on: oh, haha yeah hey so um do. do you like posting or. wait fuck

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