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Drunk Boehner audiobook out takes (Ted Cruz) (twiter link but worth it) 

Good damn, I do love this (still hate Boehner but listen to it all)

twitter.com/i/status/137800554

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Just as a note, I'll never be canceled, I'll just meet my Waterloo

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(A knock on your door, you open it and I'm standing outside wearing a Napoleonic Navy officer uniform)
Me: Good day, have you heard the good word of Patrick O'Brian and his beloved The Aubrey-Maturin series and the beloved Peter Wier's major motion picture Master and Commander? I have some literature here for you...

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Me: I'm such a good rich person...(I say as my Zeppelin flies over my private island and I search for my human quarry)...I mean it is just a tranquilizer gun unlike Bezos

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Sorry the hot takes are kind of cold, getting the hot take boiler upgraded so no hot takes till then

Houseless and refuges politics 

Also amazing when I see the take of "We can't care for our houseless so clearly we can't accept refuges but of course it's the houseless fault they are houseless and I'll do nothing to help them."

When you say hi to a dog and they aren't really interested in talking to you but they give that curt half-tail-wag like "hi, yes, I see you there"

It's so good

America you only get ahead by being the best not by who your parents are
Also America so happy to finally have a McCain on Meet The Press Again because clearly the daughter of an asshole senator is experience enough

Alcohol joke 

Cuba Libre is still a better drink name then Havana Syndrome

Going to become a flat hydroplaned theoriest just for shits and giggles

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I have just learned about the hydro planet theory (that the earth is not a molten core but actually an ice core)

If a cop ever says "we just want to make sure we understand before we wrap it up" don't fucking say anything and get a lawyer

Today I learned that Mr Grabher lost his case to keep his vanity plate GRABHER in Nova Scotia

My concept of where we are in September is not at all correct, I keep thinking we have weeks left of September

Tories once again using the press to announce to the UK, and wider world, that no one will shag them because they're terrible human beings.

god i never want to resume wearing a shirt and tie at work again.

it was fun for a few years but at this point i would just like to spend the rest of my existence looking like the sound man for a Monster Magnet tour in literally every setting and scenario.

alright which one of you was driving past the university

the most relatable moment in sports history. who hasnt had a moment where they wanted to quit on their lunch break.

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